When we stop reading the Bible only as a source of historical data and read it to find answers to life’s problems, we will soon discover that it is a relational book. Flip through its pages through the stories of Old Testament families, then through the nation’s battles against oppression. Then peer into the inner conflicts so boldly expressed in the Psalms and find divine truths. Also, find the revelation that Jesus Christ makes of the heart of God through the parables and in the way he lived. You may not be able to comprehend the full depth of the wisdom revealed in the scriptures, but you will find that conflict is a part of normal life and that God has much to say about the need to resolve it.
“Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go, first reconcile with your brother, and then come and present your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
“What are some facts about conflict?”
They cannot be avoided.
“In the world you will have tribulation; but take heart, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
It is not bad to have conflicts.
“Iron with iron sharpens; and so the man sharpens the face of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)
Conflicts require us to take steps to seek peace.
“So, let’s follow what contributes to peace and mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19)
“What is the difference between solution and reconciliation?”
The solution and the reconciliation are different.
• Solve means “search for the answer.”
• Reconcile means “to restore harmony”.
Some differences can never be resolved, but we can still reconcile with those with whom we differ. This is what God requires. As far as it depends on us, we must seek peace with everyone.
“If possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” (Romans 12:18)
Ways to handle conflict
Some people resemble certain creatures in the way they handle conflict.
The shark… is the dictator
• Message: “Submit to me, or I attack you!”
The viper… is the one who speaks ill behind our backs
• Message: “Don’t provoke me or it will weigh you down.”
The woodpecker… the one that looks for mistakes
• Message: “Don’t provoke me, or I’ll tell what I know about you!”
The tortoise… is the elusive
• Message: “You’d better not confront me, it’s not convenient for you”.
The chameleon… is the accommodating
• Message: “I’m nice to you, you have to reciprocate”
The weasel… the one that twists things
• Message: “I will not allow myself to be cornered”.
“Take good care lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and by it many be defiled.” (Hebrews 12:15)
How to react to difficult people
The shark
• Let him speak without interrupting.
• Hold your own point of view.
• Avoid arguments.
The snake
• Expect him to deny what he has done.
• In an attack, don’t let it get away with it.
The woodpecker
• Learn to cut off negative talk.
• Respond only to what is important.
The turtle
• Ask open-ended questions, which you can’t answer with yes or no.
• Persevere until you get an answer.
The chameleon
• Discover the inner fears of him.
• Reinforce his personal decisions.
Weasel
• Avoid accusations.
• Don’t get drawn into arguments.
“But put away foolish and senseless questions, knowing that they breed strife.” (2 Timothy 2:23)
Key verse to memorize
“So, let’s follow what contributes to peace and mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19)
Key passage to read and meditate
(Philemon verses 1-25)
The key to the solution
Affirm your commitment. (Romans 12:18)
Ask God in prayer for strength for yourself. (Psalms 139:23–24)
Prepare before the meeting. (Proverbs 16:21)
Propose a time to talk face to face. (Ephesians 4:3)
Provide a private place. (Matthew 18:15)
Resolve to be honest. (Proverbs 12:17)
Let there be total forgiveness. (Colossians 3:13–14)
Get ready because there will be a harvest in the future. (Galatians 6:9)
“Solicitous to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3)
How to turn enemies into friends
Find a way to compliment them. (Romans 12:14)
Repay your enemies good for evil. (Romans 12:17)
Pray for your enemies. (Matthew 5:44)
Empathize with your enemies. (Romans 12:15)
Have a forgiving heart towards your enemies. (Romans 12:19, 21)
Decide to love your enemies. (Romans 13:8)
Seek to fill the needs of your enemies. (Romans 12:20)
“So if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for by doing this you will heap coals of fire on his head.” (Romans 12:20)