Words that hurt
“You are worthless!”… “You will never amount to anything in life!”… “I wish you had never been born!” Words like these in childhood can hurt the heart for the rest of our days.
Those wounds deepen in adulthood when we are subjected to the game of “control.” Threats like: “If you leave me, I will take it out on our children!” or “I have the keys, you can’t go anywhere!”… are both emotionally and verbally violent and abusive and are used to maintain control of a relationship.
Abuse can also be carried out without saying a single word, either through demeaning looks, obscene gestures or threatening behavior. These actions cause intense pain and impede emotional growth. You must not allow someone to make you feel less. Jesus Christ said that you have immense value given by God.
“Aren’t five sparrows sold for two quarters? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. For even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not then; You are worth more than many sparrows.”
“Is there hope for those who have been affected by abuse?”
For those people, God offers hope, which is in him. Begin by increasing your dependence on the Lord and seek comfort in your healing.
“Blessed is he…whose hope is in the Lord his God…keeps truth forever.”
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted; and he saves the contrite in spirit.”
“Why do the people who receive it stay in the abusive relationship?”
One of the main reasons is fear. Isaiah 21:4 says, “My heart is appalled, horror has overwhelmed me; The night of my desire turned to horror. Provoking fear is a powerful weapon used to control others. One of the most effective strategies to achieve this is to send derogatory messages as well as verbal threats of harming the person.
Another tactic is abandonment or withholding emotional support. However, the basic underlying fear is that our three basic needs of love, recognition, and security will not be fulfilled.
covers. But the Lord wants us to move from fear to faith and trust him to meet our deepest needs.
“The fear of man will lay a snare; but he who trusts in Jehovah will be exalted.”
Seven Essential Steps to Victory
- Identify the problem. (Psalms 139:23,24)
Decide that you will no longer tolerate abusive behavior.
- Understand the source of the problem. (Proverbs 18:15)
Accept that you are not the cause of the abuse (even if you are told that you caused it).
- Confront the problem. (Proverbs 16:21)
Communicate that verbal attacks will no longer be tolerated.
- Take responsibility for yourself. (Romans 12:17,18)
Resist taking revenge.
- See the abusive person from God’s perspective. (Philippians 4:19)
Consider that Christ also died for her.
- Show your unconditional love. (Proverbs 10:12)
Love is not a feeling, but the commitment to do what is right.
- Practice an intense prayer life. (1 Thessalonians 5:17,18)
Remember that prayer is the surest path to healing and wholeness.
“Take good care lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and by it many be defiled.”
key verse to memorize
“Love does no harm to the neighbor; so the fulfillment of the law is love.”
Key passage to read and meditate
How do you set personal limits?
- Put boundaries around your heart. Be careful in what and in whom you invest your emotions. (Proverbs 4:23)
- Learn to say no. Don’t believe the lies that you are selfish or indifferent when you refuse to comply with someone else’s wishes. (Matthew 5:37)
- Assert your rights firmly. The classic reason why some do not assert their rights is to avoid any conflict. (Matthew 18:15)
- Set limits! To help you identify your limits, pay attention when you feel intense emotions such as depression, shame, or guilt as a result of what someone said or did to you. (Proverbs 27:6)
- Take ownership of God’s will for your life. Redefine your own identity trying every day to live according to the will of God. (Romans 8:15)
Steps to Recovery for Abuse Victims
- “I recognize that I am powerless to heal my wounded emotions caused by abuse and I turn to God to give me the power to reach fulfillment in him.”
- “I recognize that God’s plan for my life includes victory over my experience with abuse.”
- “The person who abused me is responsible for the acts he committed against me and for the words he spoke. I will not accept the false guilt and shame that these acts have caused me. and words”.
- “I rest in God and his word to find my identity as a valued and loved human being.”
- “I am sharing my feelings honestly with God and at least one other person as I try to identify the areas where I need to be cleansed and healed.”
- “I accept responsibility for my reactions to abuse.”
- “I am willing to accept God’s help in making the decision to forgive myself and those who have offended me. I will trust him to perform the process on me.”
- “I am willing to mature in my relationship with God and others.”
- “I am willing to be used by God as an instrument of his healing and restoration in the lives of others.”
How to turn the tide in an abusive relationship
Change is always both the by-product and the goal of the Holy Spirit’s work in the believer.
Change his mind…
That means repent. (2 Corinthians 4:2)
Change your actions…
That means obey. (2 John 6)
Change your attitude…
That means conforming to God’s command. (Colossians 3:16,17)
Change your feelings…
That means to forgive. (Matthew 6:14,15)
Change your words…
That means confess. (1 Peter 3:10,11)
Change your thoughts…
That means renewal. (Romans 12:2)
“He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up his wounds.” (Psalms 147:3)